Generation Gap: Power of Acceptance

What is the Meaning of the Generation Gap?

The generation gap is a difference in values and attitudes between one generation and another, especially between young people and their parents. These differences stem from older and younger people not understanding each other because of their differences in experiences, opinions, habits, and behaviour.

Nothing in the world can be as beautiful as a parent-child relationship. It should be nurtured very delicately and so it is important to bridge the gap between the two generations. It is time to realize that neither is completely right nor wrong. Both generations have to develop more understanding and acceptance of each other. Having a dialogue with each other calmly, with the idea of sorting out conflict amicably in ideas, changing their mindset for each other, and coming to a middle ground can be the most helpful instrument in bridging the gap between the two generations.

When the child is quite young (one to two years), we accept everything that the child may do. It could be laughing, weeping, wetting the bed, waking in the middle of the night and much more. As parents, we consider that as normal and accept it with a smile and fun.

When the child grew up and starts going to school, every afternoon, the child will share everything that happened in the school. It could be about teachers, friends, games, studies, food or any sundry thing which could have happened. The parents especially the mother may not have much interest but still, she will hear it with interest, smile and acknowledge it without any prejudice.

As the child grew further and reaches their teens, the trouble starts. Like always, the child will come back with full excitement and may share another interesting anecdote which happened in the school. Today the teenager may share the experience of trying smoking or bunking school or stealing teachers’ email passwords or eating non-vegetarian food.

So far whatever was happening in the school was acceptable to the parents but today they may object to the naughtiness of the child. The parents may scold the child, complain to the school or put some restrictions. This will be a shocking incident for the child as he/she may not have ever thought of such a reaction coming from their parents.

Maybe a child will again share some more spicy incidents with the parents (trying alcohol, going to a particular website, having a girl/boyfriend etc.) and if the reaction is the same as it was before, the child will understand that it is not appropriate to share everything with the parents.

Now the child will stop sharing any such interesting incidents with the parents. Parents may think that now their child has understood and will not do it again. But in reality, the child has just stopped sharing it not doing it!

Now when the child discusses the same spicy incident with their peer group, they will find immediate acceptance from them (which they were earlier getting from home too!). All of a sudden, the attachment with the peer group will increase and with parents, it will decrease!  

As long as we are accepting the child as it is, there is no generation gap. But when the parents start questioning the changing behaviour of the child, the gap starts. The more parents try to teach what is right from their perspective, the farther child moves as the child thinks that they are old enough to decide about their lives!

The interesting thing is that till a certain age when the kid used to roam around the parents and share everything and parents were also accepting it without being judgmental. During the teens, now parents roam around the child to know what is happening in their lives and the child is not willing to share much. Often, the child just closes the door and wants to be alone! This status is generally termed a generation gap. Since it is happening everywhere, we consider it normal, which in a real sense is abnormal!

Does it mean that parents should agree to whatever children want to do? The answer is NO. The important aspect is that children expect the same acceptance as it was earlier. If the parents could accept the perspective of the child and talk to them when the ‘time is right’, there is a high possibility that kids will also understand the perspective of their parents rather than coming under the pressure of their peer group.

These days there is a concept of sharing our life issues with a counsellor. The counsellor listens to the problems without being judgmental & emotional and helps to find the possible solution. The interesting thing is that the counsellor does not offer any solution but helps the person to find the possible solution themselves.

How it is possible that the young generation can talk to a stranger and can share everything that is happening in their lives but they find it difficult to share the same with their parents who are the most appropriate people to help to find the best solution?

Many times, the only thing that children look for is that someone should listen to them unbiased and nonjudgmental and accept them as it is. When the parents fail to do so, they see the support from the outside world, which could be their friends, relatives, psychologist, spiritual gurus or even strangers.

Peer pressure forces the child to look outwards. After not getting acceptance from their parents, the child could not bear another non-acceptance from their peer group and gradually children start following their peer group to gain their acceptance (smoking, late-night activities, gaming).

The children are always looking towards their parents to be with them without being judgmental and accepting. As they progress further in life, they need someone with whom, they can talk to them without being judgmental and non-acceptance. Especially when they are in trouble (maybe failed in an examination, betrayed by a friend, caught cheating, relationship issue), if the parents can accept the child and wait for the right moment, there is a high possibility that the relationship can blossom with every challenge that child may face.

In summary, acceptance, being nonjudgmental and being patient in giving advice are key to building up a healthy and warm relationship with the young generation. Once the relationship is healthy, the children will certainly listen to all the advice which will be given by the parents and the majority (if not all) will be openly accepted by them.