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Story: Buddha, Merchant and Khir (Source: Google Baba)
Lord Buddha was camping outside a village. The news of him acquiring ‘The Divine Knowledge’ had spread like jungle fire. Wherever he went people came in large numbers to have a glimpse of him and to get his blessings.
A rich merchant of the village met him one day. With folded hands, he requested Lord Buddha to teach him The Divine Knowledge. He was prepared to give anything the Lord might want in return. Lord Buddha smiled and asked him to meet the following day.
With all enthusiasm, the merchant met him the next day. But the Lord only smiled and asked him to meet the following day. This continued for quite some time. The merchant had tried his level best to influence the Lord by offering gold and other such precious and valuable things. The Lord refused to take anything, but the status quo remained.
The visibly annoyed merchant shared his misadventure with one of his friends. The friend suggested that Lord Buddha had no desire for gold or other such valuable commodities. But if he could be invited to the house and served with tasty food, then he might be pleased and grant the merchant what he desired.
The merchant agreed to this proposal. The next day, he went to meet the Lord and invited him to his house for lunch a couple of days later. The Lord consented.
The merchant decided that he would prepare a special Khir (A kind of sweet dish that is primarily made from milk and fine rice with various additives for taste and fragrance). He cooked the Khir with the finest of ingredients.
The Lord came to his house at the appointed hour. The merchant greeted him and requested to come inside the house. The Lord denied going inside the house reasoning that he had taken the profession of begging and beggars should not enter any house. But the Lord was prepared to take anything outside the house.
A little upset with the development, the merchant went inside and came back with the bowl of Khir. The Lord showed his begging bowl for the Khir to be poured into. The begging bowl was dirty and worn out having several holes here and there.
The merchant said, “O Lord, your bowl is dirty and worn out. Please accept the Khir along with the bowl.”
“I am not supposed to take anything other than the Khir. Please pour into my begging bowl.” The Lord insisted.
“But it is dirty and worn out with several holes. If I pour the Khir into it, part of it will blow down and the remainder will not be eatable coming in contact with the dirt.” The merchant protested.
“Whatever it is – good or bad, dirty or clean, worn out or new, it belongs to me and I will take the Khir in this bowl only or I will not take it at all.” The Lord said firmly.
The merchant was not amused. He had prepared the Khir himself considering minute details. He knew that the Khir thus prepared was the best one can ever taste. He did not want the Khir to be wasted like that.
The merchant was in a dilemma. But finally, he decided that the Khir was not supposed to be wasted in this fashion.
“Oh Lord, I have prepared this Khir with extra care and effort. I do not want it to be spoiled. Your begging bowl does not deserve to hold such high-quality Khir.” The merchant said.
The Lord smiled.
“If you cannot give me the Khir because my begging bowl does not deserve it, then how did you think that I will give you the Divine Knowledge when you don’t deserve it?” The Lord continued calmly, “Khir is the divine knowledge and the begging bowl is your mind and heart. You are denying me the Khir because my bowl is dirty; I denied the knowledge to you because your mind is polluted. My bowl does not deserve the Khir; your mind does not deserve the knowledge.”
The merchant was speechless. He understood the analogy. He touched the feet of the Lord and asked for forgiveness.
Moral of the story:
The lord smiled again and said, “Desire is like fire. It consumes everything, your peace, your happiness, your spirituality, your cheerfulness etc. Desire is the biggest obstacle to god-realization and spiritual progress.”
“First deserve, then desire. And you can end all sorrows and sufferings.” The Lord said reassuringly, “Sorrow is the inevitable result of desire, and more sorrow is in store because of disproportionate desire. If your desire is based on your deservedness, then it could be fulfilled giving you happiness.”
Meaning of Desire and Deserve?
The meaning of ‘Deserve’ means that we plan something realistically, work on it with full dedication, periodically review our performance, make desired changes and are qualified for it. However, there can always be an element of luck and unknown factors which can influence the outcome. When Argentina won the Football World Cup in 2022 in Qatar, everyone felt that Argentina team deserved to win the World Cup.
The concept of ‘Deserve First and Desire Later’ can also be linked with instant gratification wherein we tend to seek immediate pleasure or reward, even if it has long-term negative consequences. This aligns with the impulsive desire in the proverb without considering the “deserve” aspect. Although having a desire is not bad. The desire to achieve something can be a big motivator to go out of the comfort zone but by aligning it with realistic goals. When I started putting my articles and videos on social media (Instagram, YouTube and website), I expected that everyone would appreciate it, show thumbs up, subscribe to it and I would become popular but it didn’t happen!
Does it mean that we should not desire or have desire is bad? The simple answer is No. Unless and until a person desires anything, the person will not try and go for it. It means having desire is not bad but desiring something which a person does not deserve is bad.
Example: A sports person wants to play in the national team of Football but what is the present preparation of that player? What are the efforts that the player is making to earn the position in the football team, that is most important? If a person is not working towards achieving their goal and just desiring it, the results will never come irrespective of how much a player may desire without effort.
Does it mean that if a person deserves something, then that person will certainly achieve it? In the majority of the cases, the answer is yes. When a person focuses on achieving what they are seeking, the possibility of getting is quite high.
However, in certain cases, it does happen that a deserving candidate does not get the position and someone less deserving can move ahead. There can be some unforeseen circumstances and exceptions. Thus, it is important to manage our expectations and enhance our resilience so that we do not blame our destiny.
Deserving is more important than Desire?
The concept of ‘Deserve first and Desire Later’ is pertinent as we often aspire to achieve something big without understanding the requirements and the efforts needed to achieve it. When we cannot achieve our goals, we often feel demoralized and blame everyone for our failure. Although, we should be blamed for this situation.
Example: A farmer sows the seed, gives nourishment to the soil, takes care of the crop systematically and after several months gets the reward in the form of vegetables and fruits. The farmer never desires to have vegetables. The farmer works hard for many months and later desires to have the fruits of their labour.
Many times, the pressure of getting something becomes so high that we crumble under its pressure. What we do not realize is that unless we put required effort and time, the results will never be predictable.
It does not mean that we should not dream big and not strive for impossible-looking goals.
How to Balance between Deserving and Desiring?
The concept of ‘delayed gratification’, on the other hand, involves putting off immediate gratification in favour of longer-term goals and rewards. This aligns with the “deserve first” aspect as it emphasizes effort and growth before indulging in desires. Like when I started putting my post on LinkedIn, I had planned my strategy about the frequency of the posts, target audience, their expectations and how to grab their attention.
The best way to analyse any situation, wherein we are getting desperate and demotivated is to see the situation from the third-person perspective. Once we can detach ourselves from the situation, we will be able to see the reason for our failure as well as the possible solution to bridge the gap.
Maybe in the beginning, we may find it difficult to disengage ourselves from the situation but the more we will practice it, the better we will become in diagnosing the problem and finding possible actions.
Moreover, by realistically setting the goals, periodically reviewing them and accepting the outcome (whatever it may be), we can predict the results correctly.
In short, we should desire realistically so that the probability of failing will be reasonably low which can significantly reduce our sorrows. By limiting our desires based on what we deserve and simultaneously being realistic, we can be happy.
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